You may be surprised to learn that casual dating (a.k.a. online dating, matchmaking, etc.) is becoming a big part of our dating lives. According to a survey by EliteSingles.com, one in five people have had a casual relationship.
If you’re among the 65 percent of people who are single and looking, remember: You’re not alone—and that’s a good thing. You can find plenty of people who have similar interests, or a common job or hobby, and who may be just a casual step away from a relationship. So go ahead, just be yourself!
Though everyone’s experience is different, there are some things you can do to make casual dating easier. Some of these tips will help you avoid a lot of the common pitfalls we’ve all run into. But just remember that your first date should be one that feels comfortable and fun. If you’re feeling nervous or if you’re not interested in him or her—it’s time to move on!
How to Have Casual Sex with Someone You Don’t Know Very Well
It’s hard to believe, but many people shy away from casual sex due to fear. And if you’re one of those people, you’re not alone. Fortunately, there is a way to have casual sex with a stranger while minimizing any risks or feelings of discomfort. That’s what Steven Pinker (a psychology professor at Harvard and author of the New York Times best-seller The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined) calls “coitus without risk” or “harm minimization sex.”
In a long-distance relationship, this is really the easiest method of sex to employ. First you meet up at a location where you’re comfortable with each other. Then you have sex. When you’re done, you’ve got a new friend. It’s not uncommon for people to have sex multiple times during one encounter. And if you don’t want to have sex, you can avoid it by using the hot tub and changing positions.
The reason casual sex doesn’t seem appealing to most people is the same reason most people don’t drink alcohol on their first date: It’s just not our style. We tend to like things that are a bit more serious (but that’s not always the case). Plus, most people want to avoid an awkward conversation at all costs. What if you wind up falling in love?
As you can see, it takes the mystery out of sex. It https://datingappsadvice.com/best-hookup-apps-in-2022-choose-your-perfect-sex-site.app
So before you start thinking of swiping left, or type in a different zip code, there are some things you should know before you date. And if you’re just looking to have fun with friends, check out the (relatively) safe dating app called Tinder.
It’s not over until you date
It is not at all uncommon for people to start dating someone a few weeks after they’ve met in passing or after meeting on a mutual friend’s recommendation. For me, I dated someone for two weeks before I knew anything more about him than his name. He was charming, he had cute jokes, and he seemed to think the world of my friends. We’d hang out, and I was all, “isn’t he the best?” He was so great, I didn’t think to ask any questions about his past. It sounds like an obvious thing to ask on a first date, but it’s not, and it can be scary. This is especially true if you’re dating a guy who you’ve just met.
We’re so good at saying, “Isn’t he great?,” that we can convince ourselves that we are really dating him. But we are not. And we really should be asking questions, like: what’s his height? What’s his weight? What are his interests? What does he like to do for fun? Do you share many of the same interests? What do your friends say about him? Start asking these questions now, because you won’t always be able to answer them later.
Embrace the awkward
Sometimes talking about yourself is truly embarrassing, so the first couple of times you meet someone new, they may not want to listen to your deep thoughts about the origins of the Bermuda Triangle, or tell you about their childhood pet, or what their ideal Saturday would be if you put $1,000 on the pick-6 in Vegas. It’s alright. If you can ignore them when they start talking, and just listen, they’ll love you for it.
The one thing you should not ignore is when they’re trying to start a conversation with something about yourself, so take advantage of this opportunity. Chances are the person they’re introducing themselves to has been sitting there their whole life, still in the awkward position of trying to open a conversation with someone you’ve just met, so why not piggyback off of them? Say something about yourself and the things you share a common ground with them.
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